(650) 965-7332 dr.nwesson@sbcglobal.net

Sharing thoughts, feelings and needs is the best way to become emotionally close to someone.

Asking questions casually while you spend time together is the best way to get to know someone but do not disclose a lot at a time especially in the beginning.

Here are some helpful ideas:

Use “I” statements: I feel sad that I won’t be seeing you until next month instead of.. It’s hard for one to wait a month to see someone they are interested in… . I am happy that you came… vs. You know it’s nice when others show up when they are expected… .
Do not evade questions about yourself or joke about it or change the subject to something less personal.
What are you doing…writing my biography?
Is this psychotherapy 101?

Being friends first is more than a cliche — enjoying someone’s company and becoming relaxed around someone are very important aspects of intimacy.

Don’t disclose prematurely — sometimes women do this. Don’t make “confessions” about your job, your ex-wife, your kids etc.
“First strive to understand, then to be understood” – Stephen Covey
Avoid criticism whenever possible/offer support first and suggestions later if requested: Avoid advice unless it is asked for.
Support: That must be awfully hard to do… .
Advice: Have you ever thought of re-doing the plumbing in your house. I know someone who does that type of work.